I've attempted to blog this for my sweet girl a few times, but couldn't quite bring myself to do it . It brings back the guilt, blame & heartache that i felt for leaving her alone for those few moments and we've worked so hard to push it away. I know i need to write it down while it was fresh in my memory for her life history.
it's a mother's worst nightmare really...
It happened on dec 11th, we had all planned for my hayesie bugs big "gamer truck" birthday party. I remember thinking to myself, wow this party is such a breeze, everything went so smooth... until we all went into the game truck.
I went into the truck for 3-5 min.. not long, because i wanted to make sure i cleaned up the garage mess and i was going to stay in the garage with the Propane heater so if the kids were thirtsty or hungry i would be there to help them. I just wanted Hayes to be all set up in the truck with what he wanted to play. Shortly after in the game truck Boston and Cade walked in, and the door must have shut, because i didn't realize it until i heard some screaming. At this point i figured {It was so cold in the garage} that ivy went inside with Cory and Cory thought she went into the truck with me...
after i heard some screaming i opened the door and she screamed at me "i'm on fire!" with her big huge eyes. I looked and noticed the back side of her fleece Patagonia jacket had a little flame coming off of it, so i immediately thought to rip off her coat!! The Gamer truck guy was right there because we were at the front of the truck with Boston and Cade. I went into panic mode and did the opposite of what you should do, and started smacking the fire out with my own hands, while trying to rip off her clothes. Boston (14 yrs) picked her up and threw her in a snow bank and got the fire out, called 911 and ran into get cory, all while i was ripping off her clothes. Ivy was mostly in shock at this point and being so patient and occassionally freaking out. We grabbed a blanket and wrapped her in it and i could see her tummy and thighs were burned, and skin was peeling. I had no idea how bad it was. We jumped in his truck, and headed toward the Hospital. {my sister jill pulled up right when this happened and stayed with the birthday party kids, who luckily didn't quite know what had happened) I prayed outloud like 3 times, that my baby girl will be able to handle all the pain she was in. She was SO brave. SO brave! the nurses couldn't stop talking about how brave she was. She got a an iv of morphine and then rushed us through ambulance to The University of Utah burn unit, where we spent the next 5 weeks in the Burn intensive care.
She had the absolute Best doctors and nurses out there!! she was in good hands the whole time.
When we arrived at the Burn unit, they quickly did wound care and then did wound care daily for a few days, the kids each came up and had a sleepover with mom and ivy. It wasn't super comfy but they didn't care, they wanted to be by her and color, watch movies and do all sorts of crafts that she kept receiving.
Our blessings started pouring in the minute we were in that ambulance ride. So many wonderful and beautiful people stepped up and made dinners {Every night} for my family, sent all sorts of presents, balloons, flowers, gift baskets etc, to ivy's room. The feeling of Love was overwhelming. Our ward did a fast, family did a fast, and so many people were praying for our baby girl. She is SO loved!
the peace we felt was amazing, the WHOLE time! Their were moments, when i wasn't sure i could handle much more, but somehow and through many many prayers and fasts, we made it. Ivy is one brave little girl, she had to undergo 2 surgeries, and the recovery of them both was very painful, she was intubated for 3 weeks and she was getting sick, it was also Christmas time and so we missed out on a lot of my other kids activities and traditions...we endured soooo many trials as a family, yet it was a very beautiful thing to see that NOTHING mattered more than family. We simplified life very fast. We just all wanted to be together that's what was important. We were humbled really, blessed and humbled.
We had some beautiful experiences while in the burn unit as well, wonderful blessings from our bishop, Cory's dad and Elder Gifford Nielsen from the Quorum of the Twelve apostles. ALL gave amazing blessings of comfort and that she will be fully healed. I held onto that the whole time. The Bishop gave a blessing to Ivy that said she is surrounded by so many guardian angels and people who love her. I could feel it! It was so real and beautiful in her hospital room. Our cute Dr. gia who was her surgeon would keep coming into our room just so she could feel some peace. Everyone always commented on the feeling that was in ivy's room.
My sister rachel came up and stayed with me for a few days and stayed the night in the room too. {she's the BEST!} I loved having her there, she helped me a ton, and tried to teach me how to relieve stress by crocheting... it tried then when she left, i messed it all up. ha! Since then we have made some wonderful friends with some of these nurses and physical therapists.
Ivy was encouraged through therapy to do yoga, so that she can stretch out her skin before she gets bad scar tissue. We now have a love of YOGA! It's amazing what the body can do. She is healing very well and is back to doing cartwheels, back bends and is almost doing the splits. I sometimes tear up thinking about all that she has accomplished, bless her little heart!
We are almost 6 months out from when she had her accident, and we couldn't be more thrilled with how things are going. She is back to her normal spunky, sassy self, with an addiction to sippie cups of chocolate milk. I don't care if she drinks one for the rest of her life!! haha! cory and I joke about how she will be on her first date and ask the waiter for a sippie cup of chocolate milk.
She's a Hero to us! all of us really, she went through something so hard at such a young age. I finally had to realize this is her story, not mine to tell, she is an instrument in the lords hand and will touch so many peoples lives. We are healing, slowly but surely the blame we put on ourselves is gone, i can close my eyes and fall asleep now without the image of her sweet face being tortured. Her infectious laugh is back, her temper, and her bossiness and we couldn't be more thrilled.
It is amazing how the heart can heal through so much love. I hope she knows how very loved she is. I hope we always remember that beautiful, peaceful feeling we felt while going through the hardest trial of our life... We love you ivy girl... you are our Hero! xxoo
My darling friend Brigette, sent a burn unit elf to ivy right away... she knew that ivy looks forward
to seeing buddy and she loved that buddy sent an elf to her so she can tough it and cuddle it.
she named him buttons.
my friend kristi quickly made up the cutest things for Buttons to do each day in the burn unit. It
was absolutley darling and brightened up my cute girl every day! Something we will always cherish.
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